Jaded Jennifer

I swear if I keep watching the Food Network, I’m gonna weigh 900 pounds. The problem is, I have a 5 year old who is absolutely obsessed with watching it. She turns every tv in the house to Food Network, even the one in my bedroom. So I sit here and watch Semi-Homemade with her and then we both end up hungry and I have to go rustle up some grub for us to eat. Unfortunately, nothing I make tastes as good as the stuff on Food Network looks.

So I made us some rice. It’s broccoli and cheese rice and it’s not bad. Nothing special. But eating it with chopsticks always makes it FEEL special and it’s really fun to watch Boogie learning how to use them.

And now my favorite is on…Throwdown with Bobby Flay. (How come every time I type his name, I want to call him Booby?)

I am absolutely in love with Bobby Flay, which is funny because I really didn’t like him for the longest time. Then this show came out and it showed more of his playful personality, and how sweet he really is, while still having a great sense of humor. And, come on, that boy CAN COOK! I totally admit that they key to my heart is a man cooking me good food and serving it to me.

Bobby just challenged a couple of guys to a bread pudding throwdown. Or did he? Because what REALLY happened is, these two guys wrote a blog and said they thought Bobby Flay was going to end up challenging them to a throwdown. Some execs at Food Network saw that blog and sent Bobby to challenge them.

Really? I mean, really? Is that all it takes to get Bobby Flay to show up?

Fine, here’s my challenge then. Bobby, come to MY house. I challenge you to a….sitting on your ass while someone else serves you food throwdown!

No? Hmmmm….

Ok then, I challenge you to a typing throwdown! Because I just bet I can type faster than you.

That doesn’t sound like much fun, huh? Well, come on, I’ve been sitting here for a whole two minutes trying to think of something I could challenge him with. It certainly wouldn’t involve cooking. I’m not a BAD cook. But I’m no Bobby Flay and I really don’t have a special recipe that I cook better than anybody….

I’ve got it!!!

Bobby Flay, I am challenging you to come to my house and teach me a recipe that my WHOLE family will love!

Sure, that sounds easy. You haven’t met my kids. Trust me. In 17 years I’ve only managed to find one or two meals that all 6 of them like and will eat. I think this challenge would be the hardest one yet. Especially if you add in the fact that while you’re cooking this meal, you have to break up fights, get kids to do their homework and try not to trip over the cat and dog that think they have to check on you every five minutes. AND the meal has to be relatively easy, cheap and quick to prepare, keeping in mind that nobody in this house will TOUCH seafood. lol

I think that sounds like an awesome challenge. So what’s the deal, Bobby? You on your way yet?

I’m so freaking happy to have my new home, I don’t even think I could begin to describe it.

I guess I can try.

You know that feeling right after sex, when you’re so unbelievably happy and relaxed? You’re all tingly and you swear your body just turned to jello and you’re sure you just couldn’t get any happier, but then somebody brings you a huge plate of biscuits and gravy (and if Wren made it then it’s like an orgasm on a plate) and they proceed to feed it to you so you won’t have to lift your arm, then some hunky half-naked man comes in and starts rubbing your feet and whistles to his two gorgeous friends who plant themselves on each side of you with big palm fronds and fan you and then you receive a phone call saying that you won the jackpot in the lottery and your rich uncle has decided to buy you a 6 bedroom house, complete with servants and nannies and a brand new Mazda Miata, and oh did we mention that you were just nominated for the Nobel Prize?

Yeah, it’s kinda like that. Times 100.

That’s how much I love my new home here at JadedJennifer.com. And how much I love my Dawn, cuz I wouldn’t have my new home without her. Go visit her page and give her some love. She deserves it.

1. Sex. It’s always at the top of my list.

2. Cake. Can’t remember the last time I had a cake for my birthday. Well, unless you count the pretend birthday that Boogie gave me a few months ago.

3. A clean house. And let me add, that I’d like to NOT have to be the one to clean it. I probably will be, though.

4. Bacon. Sausage. Hash browns with cheese. Mmmm….I’m hungry.

5. Laughter. It’s always good.

I want to say something like, “to be surrounded by family and friends” because that’s always a great way to spend a birthday. The only reason I’m not adding it as #6 is because, well, I’m ALWAYS surrounded by family. In a house of 8 people, it’s hard not to be elbow to elbow with somebody. But I’m also not adding it because it’s not just something I WANT, it’s something I’m GETTING. I invited a couple of people over for dinner. Just found out a couple more are gonna be showing up. They wanted to surprise me but decided that might put a kink in any plans we had, so I’ve been instructed to act surprised.

Last weekend was rough for me. But this whole week I’ve been reminded how lucky I am to have people in my life who care about me. I’m pretty damn thankful for all of them. Today is just another day for most people. For me, it’s not only my 34th….I mean, 21st birthday. It’s also my Thanksgiving and my New Year’s Day.

*EDIT*
6. NO CRANKY MOODS!!!